Baggage, Baggage, and more Baggage…
Ok first off everyone has baggage whether it’s you’ve never had a girlfriend/boyfriend or had a bad ex-bf/gf. So now that we have established that everyone has baggage, whether it be relationship wise or family wise, we can now break down what I mean when I say that someone has baggage. Baggage can be broken down in three distinct compartments, they are as follows:
1. How much baggage is too much baggage?
In this respect I’ll start off with an anecdote. So picture this, you and your girlfriend are going to take a trip to another city. So you have your plane tickets and you are packing your baggage preparing to leave. If you’ve ever been on a plane then know you are allotted 2 pieces of luggage and that’s it.
So…as a pair, and you have to think as a pair, you are allowed 4 pieces of luggage. Now because I’m very low maintenance and travel very lightly, I could probably even get away with just a fanny pack, my gf could have 4 pieces of luggage. So you see how that works, I fit all my toiletries, etc in my little fanny pack and she gets 4 pieces of luggage. Together we have a set amount of baggage. However if you carry two pieces and you can’t let certain things go, then unfortunately any girl you date will have to be restricted to two pieces as well. So moral of this story - if you have baggage then find a girl with not as much baggage. If you don’t know if you have baggage, at the end of this article we’ll go through a few easy tips to determine your baggage level.
2. What type of baggage is it?
This is absolutely key. What do I mean by this? Well there are all types of baggage out there: there is Louis Vuitton baggage, there is the type of baggage that gets stuck at customs, there are those luggages that have tons of dings in them and look all roughed up from the long ardous travels they have been through. You gotta take this into account.
A girl that has louis vuitton baggage is on a whole ok, because you know the baggage is well secured and there is nothing wrong internally. In fact the baggage is the luggage, and if the only thing you have to worry about, as a guy, is that you will have to replace this obscenely expensive piece of baggage every couple of years then you’re doing all right.
However if the baggage gets stuck at customs then you got issues. This is the type of luggage that looks pretty normal from the outside but is all messed up inside. These are the girls that come off really normal when you first meet them, however given time they turn out to be kind of crazy. If there’s something wrong then it will be revealed, you will get pulled over to the side and be made to go through your underwear at customs. She’ll have hidden deep rooted issues. Whether they are family related or insecurity issues, they will come out when further detection occurs, aka customs. And when they do come out, you will be caught in the middle and exposed. This is when she tells everyone you know about this drama/baggage, and the worse thing about it is before you went out, it was solely HER baggage, but because you are now a team it is YOUR baggage as well. My friend I feel for you. Shalom.
The dinged baggage - now back with our original premise of everyone has baggage, the dinged baggage is a judgment call. Personally I like to inspect the dings. I mean if the locks are busted and the dings all seem external, this may be ok. Maybe she had a bad relationship that hurt but didn’t break her. The locks are broken, meaning she has a hard time trusting you and the normal key will not work. You’ll have to work at mending this lock, but over time you can mend this lock and you can have a trusting relationship. But to truly appreciate her and really get to know her you have to inspect and truly understand the dings and why they are there. You have to take the time to find out why she was hurt, what it did to her mentally and emotionally, and proceed with the appropriate care. You’ll have to spend extra time with her and do a lot of listening and be patient.
Often guys see this dinged baggage and do one of two things, judge from the outside and bail, or just start applying duck tape to all the dings. By bailing you can miss out on a truly great girl that maybe only needs some heart felt time and understanding. By applying duck tape to the dings you are not fixing anything, in fact all the good you are doing is temporary and is still rooted deep underneath. A duck tape action would be making things more physical, buying gifts, going on trips together, anything that is a diversion rather than a thoughtful idea. A thoughtful gift on the other hand where you understand why she was hurt, and want to show her that it can be different, would be mending. Think on this next time you are about to buy flowers because you messed up.
3. How long is the trip?
The last and final key to understanding baggage has nothing to do with baggage at all. It has everything to do with how long you intend to be with a girl. Continuing with our airplane analogy if you are going to have a go on a flight from San Diego to LA that’s a very quick trip. You can handle a lot of baggage because you are going from taxi to plane to taxi. Very easy. So if you just see something very temporary with a girl, and that’s how you are approaching it, who really cares what her baggage looks like as long as it doesn’t have anything illegal in it, you’re totally cool. This is why you can see dudes with girls that are totally High Maintenance, because they are in it for the short run.
However, and this is huge, if you are traveling international from SF to Seoul Korea, you definitely have to take this into account. First off you are now going to be in a plane with this person for more than a day straight (translate to a couple of years), you will have a layover most likely (painful moments of inactivity if you get my drift), and thirdly there will be a change of planes meaning you will have to carry the baggage from terminal to terminal. You WILL have to carry this baggage and if there are 4 items of extreme weight, so sorry. So translating this, if you are serious about a girl and it truly is for the long term, really take the time to understand how much you can handle and if you feel that you will not be able to handle her baggage, don’t get on the plane my friend.
Secondly if you can’t handle it from the beginning and you think over time you will get used to it, you are wrong. If you can’t handle that she has a bazillion guy friends when you first start going out, how are you going to handle it when that bazillion stays the same after a year. You’ll just be more and more tired, shoot you might even dislocate your shoulder from holding the baggage at the gate while waiting in line.
Do you have baggage and if so how much do you have: A simple set of rules:
Here a few questions you can answer yourself to determine if you have baggage, I can go through a more comprehensive baggage determination if anyone is interested later on:
1. You have never had a girlfriend or boyfriend.
- I’m sorry this just is the case. It’s not huge it’s just that your first bf/gf will have to be very patient as most likely you will get have to go through the growing pains of a first relationship together.
2. You’ve been cheated on.
- First of all, stop feeling sorry for yourself as if you are the only person that has ever been cheated on. 90% of the people I know have been cheated on so get over it already. I’m sorry if that sounds insensitive, but the moment you realize that you aren’t alone, that is the very moment you can start to heal. This type of baggage affects trust and anything that affects trust is very delicate and requires a lot of patience.
3. You shop when you are stressed. Heck if every Friday (payday) you buy clothes you got louis vuitton baggage.
-I think this one is self explanatory.
Ok, that was officially the longest post I have ever written. I promise no more novels.
Next Post…When Should I Call?
Retired Bachelor @ October 10, 2007